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Social Media Cliches include “Ninja,” which Area 224 finds exceedingly annoying. Want to really be able to call yourself a “Ninja?”

Do what this thing does:

We watched the infomercial for this bad boy, and we couldn’t help but think about Social Media Ninjas – and how they are often self-appointed and can rarely back up their claims of Ninjahood.

Let’s go to the Tale of the Tape.

The Base Unit – Ninja 1100.

The Ninja 1100’s base unit is the kind of blender your puny blender wants to be when it grows up. Armed with blades that aren’t just at the bottom, this keeps the flow of all the creamy goodness of your smoothie moving up and down while blending.

Imagine an army of little ninja warriors chopping blueberries into bits of antioxidants while barely breaking a sweat.

Pitcher, blades, etc. are all dishwasher-safe.

“More than just a food processor. More than just a blender.”

We could go on and on. We officially want one.

The Base Unit – Social Media Ninja.

Will use a bot-focused approach to get your Twitter account to 2000 followers, and will also use a bot-focused approach to get you a few hundred “Likes” on Facebook. Both of which you can choose to ignore when you realize there’s no real reason for doing this.

The Extra Pitcher – Ninja 1100.

You have GOT to be joking. There’s another pitcher? It’s bigger – like 70, no 72 ounces!

What isn’t even mentioned on the website – but is mentioned on the infomercial to a point where you won’t forget it – is that this machine turns “ice” into “snow.”

This is the key for restaurant-quality frozen drinks.

SNOW.

You can make 72 ounces of snow.

They even demonstrated a mocha drink that was nothing more than chocolate syrup and ice, maybe milk or coffee or something. 50 calories per serving.

The Extra Pitcher – Social Media Ninja.

What, you want more? We’ll give you more.

Except, as a “Ninja” of the Social Media type, we can’t totally tell you what exactly that “more” is.

We didn’t know you needed something like “snow” to differentiate your product from other products.

We were too busy focusing on the fact that we’re Ninjas.

The Dough Hook – Ninja 1100.

You need bread dough. Cookie dough. Dough for that Ninja Pizza you’re gonna make.

Enter the 1100’s Dough Hook.

So you don’t just have a blender, or a “snow maker,” but you also have a food processor that makes dough.

Awesome. Totally awesome. This might be the only kitchen gadget you will ever need – and you didn’t know you needed all of this.

The Dough Hook – Social Media Ninja.

What now? We have to make bread dough, too?

Our bots can’t handle that.

We give up. This is not fair.

Final Tally: Ninja 1100 – 3, Social Media Ninja – 0.

And what does this mean for your marketing – no matter what your industry?

Well, while the Ninja 1100 might seem to be positioning itself based on “Features” vs. “Benefits,” a closer look tells us that, in this case, a masterfully designed product can have “Features AS Benefits.”

Feature: great base unit with different blades and stuff.

Benefit: the only kitchen product you’ll need. (You benefit by clearing out your cupboard.)

Feature: additional pitcher is huge and makes snow.

Benefit: snow makes better drinks, you can please a crowd.

Feature: dough hooks.

Benefit: see the part about needing less contraptions in your cupboard.

The Social Media Ninja is likely to focus on “numbers” as your feature. And “leads” as your benefit. And maybe that can all be quantified. But still…give me a Kitchen Ninja over a Social Media Ninja any day.

Disclosure: Area 224 has no relationship with this product. If you buy one, you are free to invite us over for a smoothie.